Ranting away...: August 2007

Ranting away...

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

fireworks outside my window

I was up for a pleasant surprise one cold and dreary night. Buried up to my nose in course readings and notes, I was lost in a world of philosophical concepts and ideas. Then a distant bang jarred me back to my senses. It was loud enough to be heard over some distance off, and it was shortly followed by another one. And then another. And yet another one again; resolving into a series of bangs that resounded across the night.

Wondering what the ruckus was all about, I pried my eyes away from my readings and peered out the window to my left. And I found fireworks blooming and lighting up the night sky.
Every bang burst into sparks of dazzling colors, just beyond the treetops and above the buildings across the street. So near and yet somehow just beyond my reach. The papers lay haphazard and forgotten on my cluttered desk.

Funny how I actually welcomed that retreat back to reality. Oftentimes, I want to flee from the real world and all its problems, and just escape into my own world of thoughts, and sometimes, even make-believe. But at that time, I wanted to do just the opposite. I could have spent and whiled the night away, watching lights bloom and sparks dance just outside my own window. But just as suddenly as they had come, the fireworks faded and the pyrotechnic display came to a stop. And all was as it was before. Just as if nothing had happened. And I was left staring at that seemingly undisturbed patch of sky that had been so alive just mere moments ago. I had no choice but to go back to my study of distant and lofty abstractions.

If only life was like that. Fleeting but succinct. You start off with a bang and go out in a blaze of light. Short but sweet. But sadly it isn't. Things just aren't that simple. And so much for that.

Labels: rantings

posted by remrick @ 5:14 PM 1 comments

lessons learned?

I've learned a lot of things today. Actually, I've re-learned a lot of things.

I realized that people don't owe me anything. Instead, I owe a lot to them... And I should be thankful.

I've expected a lot from the people who matter to me... All the while forgetting that they have expectations of me too, that I should at least try to live up to.

Lately, I've often thought that I'm alone... But it's only because I refuse to see beyond my own personal issues and problems. Just call me self-centered. I'm guilty; I won't deny it.

These aren't really new lessons at all, but old ones that I just haven't taken to heart. I needed the reminders.

*Sigh* Why do I never seem to learn...?

I'm keeping this post short. Partly because I haven't got the luxury of time... And also because while some things are better left unsaid, some things can't even be said at all.

Labels: rantings

posted by remrick @ 4:17 PM 0 comments

Sunday, August 26, 2007

How do you hold on to the light when, like fireworks that blossom in the night sky, it flickers and fades away right before your eyes?

Labels: the walk

posted by remrick @ 12:15 PM 0 comments

Sunday, August 12, 2007

grace

No matter how tired I may be right now, regardless of a bad cold and another sleepless night spent doing schoolwork, I still have so much to be thankful for.

I was complaining to myself all the way to the Shopping Center as I thought about all the things that I still had to do and how I desperately wanted - needed - a break from all my troubles, when something caught my eye. There on the sidewalk was a gaunt elderly woman on a wheelchair, surrounded by a small group of grimy little children, stringing together wilted Kamia flowers that they apparently intended to sell in the streets.
I could only look away in shame.

How could I complain about all my petty worries and concerns? Right there, they are the people who are being pushed to their limits every single day. They are the ones who can barely eke out a living, let alone a life. God knows they're the ones who need a break - and definitely not me.

My body may get bone-weary and all the work may seem so overwhelming at times, and yet I reminded that I live by grace. And what a blessed state it is. Thank you. I needed the reminder.

Labels: rantings

posted by remrick @ 3:46 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

rainy days again

A baby cackles. It's my phone ringing. I tear my eyes away from the movie screen, pull out my phone, and open the message. It reads:

"I love rainy days. They give me a reason to stay at home, be alone, stare at the pouring rain, and feel the cold weather. It feels good, real good, because even for once, I am able to feel the coldness from outside... and not from within."

How do you reply to message like that? I ask her: "Ate, depressed pa rin po ba kayo?" Message sent.

A blood-curling scream pierces the theater. I stare back at the screen. The blue skinned ghoulish girl in the gaudy white dress contorts her body into unimaginable positions. Judy Ann Santos stares in horror. Izza Calzado's terrified face is beautiful, nonetheless. And Jolina Magdangal (who annoyingly keeps on calling out "Aling Lagring!?" in the midst of the haunting) looks like a boy with boobs.
My friends and I exchange witty asides, and we all have a good laugh.

It's strange how people go to movie houses just to get a good scare. While outside, real people struggle with their all-too-real fears... Where the credits don't roll, the curtain doesn't fall and the lights don't go back on automatically.

As for me, I've enjoyed the 2-hour retreat from reality. But I can't keep on staying in a world of make-believe where everything just screams fake. Out there, there are real people who have real problems. And I am no exception.

Labels: inside the self

posted by remrick @ 4:00 PM 5 comments

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About Me

Name: remrick
Home: Surigao City, Philippines
About Me: Let me tell you what I'm not: I am not predisposed to bare my guts and soul here in the internet for the whole world to see just for the sake of it. It's just that I like writing, in the free and unstructured way that blogging provides for. I simply want to express what I think and feel. Is that too much to ask? Which leads me to my next point... I am not invulnerable, in spite of all my attempts to put on a face of cool composure, and desperately wanting I was good enough to fool myself. In short, I am not really what I seem. So, would you still take my ramblings seriously?
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