Who'd have thought I'd ever contemplate joining a fraternity? Don't get me wrong. And please don't give me those incredulous looks, okay? First and foremost, it's my (biological) brother's fraternity. Secondly, it's not one of the more popular greek-lettered fraternities, and definitely not the one that has nudist neophytes streaking through the hallowed halls of this university and all over campus . And lastly, it's not your (stereo)typical brotherhood of "angst, angas, and affinity to violence." I just came from the orientation, and it really bothers me that I turned down the invitation. Sigh... Why did I do it? First, I'm not really sure if I'm ready for that kind of involvement and commitment, especially considering that I intend to focus on my academics and not go the way of my older brother here in the university. (Digression: Not that I'm saying that what kuya did was bad and that he's not a very good role model. 'Twas his decision, and he's his own man. Besides, we all commit mistakes; who doesn't?) And then there are the expectations, my brother being a former president of the fraternity. I'm not sure if I could live up to their expectations and stand being perenially compared with my brother. Besides, kuya and I are different, and I 'd like to keep it that way. I mean, I wanna make my own identity outside of my brother's shadow. Point made. Why do I feel guilty about it? Well, let's just say that my joining would really have meant something for those guys. I really wish I could have helped them or at least done something for them. And besides, they aren't that bad really. I thought I could never picture myself associating with them. But strangely, all that's changed. They were honest, nice, and they were very 'decent' people. And they weren't pretentious about some high and noble-minded ideals or about connections when it came to career matters and alumnae. They said that all that they were offering was a relationship - a real brotherhood. Ah, it just bothers me. They were so nice and maybe, a bit expectant, and yet... Plus, the guy who tried to recruit me was good. Man, he's good. I admit, he was able to tweak my psyche and lead me into the direction he wanted me to go - to a certain extent. He could make the best out of every situation presented before him, and all the while I was talking to him, I felt like I was in a psychological war game that I was bound to lose if I prolonged it any further. He's honest and 'bluntly frank,' but at the same time he works on you in a very subtle manner. A counter-argument that made perfect sense, an offhand remark that intrigued and was veiled as some sort of challenge, an appeal to emotions and affinities... he knows his stuff. Very sharp, that guy. Otherwise, I wouldn't be this troubled and bother writing about it if it weren't so. No wonder, my own brother decided to adopt them as "blood-brothers." Those guys were good. And in more than just one sense of the word. Labels: rantings |
