pre-birthday blues damn. i'm just so messed, i don't know what to do anymore. oh great, i'm grappling with bouts of depression and moodswings, and i don't know what to do about it except wallow in misery. great way to spend the summer, eh? the trip to negros didn't help (i think i got heartburn from all that bingeing and lugging boxes of piaya and pasalubong in one HUGE plastic bag)... blogging doesn't work anymore, either... i'm just so down right now... darn it. i need to chill.
i'm temporarily quitting blogging for at least a couple of weeks. never mind the long overdue posts; with my current state of mind, it's so tiring even just stringing up coherent sentences. . .
sigh... my birthday is just around the corner... i'm getting old... and more responsibilities (shiver)... looking back, life wasn't perfect... it even sucked bigtime quite a few times... but i learned a lot... and i hope i've learned enough to finally set things straight and do something meaningful for other people...
and as if i don't have my hands full with my personal issues, there's this guy who just makes me feel... rotten. can't blame him, it isn't really his fault.
it's just that he reminds of the things i'm not and the things i failed to be. get me?
an amazing person, it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that i'd give almosy anything to be like him... i wonder what has gotten into me? since when did i ever get into admiring, looking up to, and wanting to be like other people? maybe my directionless-life is just looking for anchors or guides... also couldn't avoid the comparison. we're about the same age, and at first glance, we don't seem to differ that much personality-wise. but all the points of comparison end there. and it just sort of pisses me off. anyway, i think i need some time for myself... i need to fix this mess before the new acad year, and all it's challenges, catch up on me.
life is cruel. and i don't exaggerate. Labels: rantings |
i guess we have to take solace from the fact that while we admire some people, there are actually others who also look up to us. whether or not we fail them is in our hands.
life's not fair, it never was. but there's an existing pattern in which we all pass through.