It has been months, but the wounds remain fresh.
It is astounding how a sinful act could have such unintended, far-reaching and damaging consequences. Memories, relationships, and persons - all have been brought to the brink of ruin. The gravity and seriousness of sin is a hard lesson, indeed. And I am afraid it is one which I have yet to personally learn.
Everything just collapsed. Even the few memories I have tried salvaging have gone sour. It's as if they've been tainted. Like people maimed and deformed by an accident. Like the rotting remains of a thing once alive. A thing once so full of life. A thing, which not so long ago, shared my own life too.
I say goodbye to the East Wing 2 I once so fondly knew. The East Wing 2 I tried to build up and invested myself in. I wish to believe that all my efforts have not gone to waste. But the taint makes me want to retch. It stings my eyes. It tears at my chest. And the tears fall silently.
That year is lost now.
But I will cling to the memories of my first and now, last, year in this corridor. I pray that the time will come when I will remember but will no longer hurt. When there will be no more pain laced with the memories.
For most of them who are in the dark, they don't know how lucky they are. Let them cherish the fond memories, the sweet moments and the friendships they have built. Even if some of those may have been built on falsehood and deception. But for the very few of us who do know the truth, it is a burden that we must bear. A burden I thought I could escape from. A burden I thought I could relieve by getting back at him. A burden, which in truth, is something I must learn to accept.
Pain purifies. I know this all too well. On hindsight, a degree of maturity came after the painful experiences before. This time, by grace, I look forward to something good coming out of all this. I look forward to the time when I can remember without hurting.
I just need to be faithful. I just need to hang on.Labels: inside the self, ragings, the walk |
