Night falls, and I find myself making my way back to the dorm. Past pools of shadows and pockets of light, I watch closely as this sprawling campus puts on a different and interesting persona. The shadows fade behind me as I approach the orange glow of the streetlight. I step into the light – the lamp flickers and suddenly goes out – and I find myself swallowed up in darkness once more. I keep on walking in silence, save for the sound of my own footsteps, absorbed in my own thoughts. It’s times like these that I’ve come to enjoy here in UP. Whether in the coolness of night or the bright sunshine of daytime, I like taking walks. Solitary and quiet walks give me time to do what I seem to like doing best when I'm alone - to watch and observe, and then to think and reflect. Sometimes, I wish could just wrap myself in shadows and melt into the darkness, becoming a silent observer that sees yet remains unseen; detached from everyone else… detached from the reality unfolding all around me. I don’t know why; I just want to… To be unseen, anonymous and alone, even for just a while. Am I confusing you? If only we could do away with words… these abstractions to which we attach so much meaning and yet so miserably fail to say the things that we really mean. As I grow older, I’ve learned that I haven't gotten any better at expressing myself through language. Instead, I increasingly find so many things that words could never express. Language, I’ve realized, can only go so far. And yes, I know that even as this post ends you’re still wondering what it is exactly that I’m trying to say. But that’s precisely my point. While some things are better left unsaid, others can’t even be said at all.
Labels: inside the self |
